I started doing my blog, because I needed a distraction. I’m a practical guy DIY, model builder etc, but back in March I suffered serious burns to my hands and my right arm, I couldn’t use my hands properly and I would have gone insane without something to occupy my mind.
I’ve always written a bit, short stories, poetry, and comic verse, so thought I’d give it go, I’m not good with tech, but I got there in the end.
What I didn’t realise was all the wonderful people I could reach out to, and even make friends with, their has been no animosity at all, just good people.

As I am away on holiday for a month from tomorrow, I thought I’d post one of my longer scribblings. This is not just a story, it is a quiz, hidden in the text, are different foods. How many can you find ?
I’ve published one of these before, and disappointedly no one wrote back to say how many answers they found. I would love it if you did that.
The answers are at the end.

The Kings Crackers.

       Shirley Combes, sat in her little study at 21B Bread Street, contemplating her past. She had spent many years as a hair dresser, listening to, then solving her customers problems, now she was Englands top private detective.

        She heard a car draw up outside, a big heavy car, she could tell by the sound. “Whatson, turn that damn TV off, we have a visitor” A firm knock came from the door, “come in shouted Combes” The man entered the room. “Ah, what is it the King wants of me?” Said Combes. “But er, but er, how do you know our visitor is from the King” Said Whatson taking his eyes off the TV for just a few seconds. “ Emmental my dear Whatson, he has corgi dog hairs arround the bottom of his trousers, and that marmalade arround his moustache is made from the best Seville oranges, and is only supplied to the royal household, and I told you to turn that damn thing off!”

       “Now sir what can I do for his maggoty the thing, oh sorry it’s Whatson with that TV, I meant His Majesty the King” “ Well Miss Combes, my name is Quat, I am the kings aide. May I first of all say what a pleasure it is to meet you, a real sweet treat! A most unfortunate thing has happened, someone has stolen, the Kings cheese and crackers and as you know Miss, cheese and crackers, and indeed all manner of biscuits eaten with cheese, have been disappearing all over the country. Which is why, the King only partakes of his cheese taking in a private and very secure room. It is this room the Kings nibbles were taken from.

It was securely locked, when the crime took place, no one only the King could get in or out” Whatson still hadn’t turned the TV off, he suddenly shouted “Combes look at this” On the screen Trevor Mc Donut was interviewing a very strange looking man, and a dog, the dog had one front leg around the man’s shoulders, the man was sobbing “ Oh Grommet, what are we going to do now without our cheese and biscuits, we can’t survive on toast alone” Combes looked at Whatson, then at the Kings  Aide, “This is a very serious matter, I will devote all my deductive powers to it. Come Quat, we will go to the palace right now. I hope you made sure the scene wasn’t disturbed, Of course Miss Combes”

Chapter two. The Big Cheese.

    The big cheese, stood in front of a large crowd in their secret meeting place.

“Fellow Communists, it is time to put our plan into action. Without their cheese and biscuits this country will soon fall. You all have your specific tasks, and I have my own which will be the icing on the cake. So I now will ask you all using your code names, individually to acknowledge you understand your missions, Cheddar do you understand” “yes sir” “Wensleydale” “Yes sir” “Caerphilly” “Yes sir” Lancashire, Cheshire, Derby, Gloucester, they all responded in the affirmative.

Chapter three .The Palace.

      Combes and Whatson were ushered into the lobby of Bucking Ham Palace, where they were asked for their ID and thoroughly searched. Whatson started to wander off , he had heard a TV on somewhere “Heel Whatson” Shouted Combes, we have a job to do” The King met them outside of his secret nibble room. “Your Maggoty, er Majesty, what a privilege. “The privilege is all mine” said the King “You don’t have any cheese and biscuits on you by any chance, or even a packet of Quavers?” “Sorry your mardyness, er Majesty” “Your Majesty, what are those two dials for? “Ah that’s part of our security system, as you can see, the red gauge reads zero, which means no other humans other than oneself have entered, the green gauge, shows the number of entries oneself has made”

    Combes pointed out to Whatson. “Look around the bottom of the door Whatson, there! adhered to the jamb and door, Corgi dog hairs, and the door does not close properly at the bottom, could you let us in now please your, er Your Majesty. The king moved to the other side of the door, where a picture of the famous jockey Leicester Piggott sitting on Red Plum hung.” The King swung it to one side, and the door opened. Combes noticed there was a small nail in the wall which stopped the picture a few millimetre’s from its correct position, hence not allowing the door to close completely . They entered the room “Look  Whatson, tiny biscuit and cheese crumbs everywhere, and the door obviously forced outward. This was a fiendish crime , carried out by not a human being, but a creature bred especially for the purpose. A cross between a Corgi dog and a mouse. The dog able to blend in, or maybe even replace another pet, and the mouse able to distort its body enough, to get through the tiniest of gaps, but when gorged it had to force its way out, hence the sprained door”

          Come Whatson, we need to make a train journey to Sheffield University, we can get the 1pm train, The Flying Haggis, it only stops at Leicester and Sheffield before terminating at Edingburg. 

          On the train, Whatson was distracted, he was afraid he was missing his favourite on TV, Mel Gibson. He just kept thinking to himself what time is Mel on? Combes couldn’t get any sense out of him. On reaching Sheffield University. Combes announced herself at reception, I need to see Prof Itterrole urgently”“Who’s This Prof Toilet Roll?” Asked Whatson. “Whatson do try and pay attention, it’s Itterroll If you don’t kick the TV addiction Whatson your brain will soon  be like Jelly” Professor Itterroll is a leading expert on genetics, not THE leading expert though” A man with a candy floss like beard wearing a white coat appeared, “This way he said” in a cockney accent, “Up the apples and  pears, for 10 flights, Then follow the lime green line, until you get to a cherrry red door” “Are you from London?” Asked Combes “Yes I lived for a long time in London, before moving to Leicester”The two seemed to walk for miles. They finally reached the red door and Combes knocked.

      “You must be the famous Shirley Combes” “A pleasure to meet you Professor Itterrole” Said Combes, the professor, had a similar beard to their guide, but with a severe stoop he looked like a giant white banana. Combes and the professor talked for what seemed like an eternity to Whatson, who was now sure he had not only missed the Mel Gibson movie, but also the barge journey program with Timothy West and Prune Ella Scales. Next thing he realised was Combes shouting “Ah I thought as much! Come Whatson we must phone Inspector Mustard, and arrange for him to meet us at Leicester” The Professor then said, come I’ll show you to the lift” “Lift!” exclaimed Whatson. “Of course said Combes.” He told us a porky pie, we were sent on a wild goose chase to delay us, come quickly or I fear we may be too late” now Whatson was really begining to panic, he was going to miss Quince E as well.

        Combes and Whatson, got off the train at Leicester. “Quick Whatson, that cab!” But as soon he saw them the driver ran away. “Combes where did that man go?” “Doesn’t matter Whatson, just get in I’ll drive” Whatson remembered when he learnt to drive, the instructor told him to”Use the accelerator like there was an egg under it” Combes though, drove like the egg was hard boiled, wrapped in armour plate, then incased in concrete.

       They screeched to a halt outside Leicester University, leaving in their wake a tangle of vehicles that  resembled a weird massive omelette . They met with Mustard, “Combes we have already arrested twelve of the communist gang, including Chedar, Wensleydale, Lancashire and Derby” “The big cheese is in there his name is Dr Meringue Arty, his code name Red Leicester! Said Combes.

Bread, Butter. Emmental. Marmalade. Seville Oranges. Sweet treat. Kumquat. Banana. Quince Cheese. Crackers. Biscuits. Nibbles. Donut. Toast. Prune. Mango. Melon. Porky Pie. Profiterole. Egg. Mustard. Meringue. Derby (cheese) Gloucester (Cheese) Cheshire (Cheese) Lancashire (Cheese) Caerphilly (Cheese) Wensleydale (Cheese) Cheddar (Cheese) Icing, Cake.

32 answers, may be more, but it’s a long time since I wrote this, and I can’t get the edit mode to work properly.

All words Meadowhead Bard.