You will all know, I often write about myself, my thoughts, and sometimes even bring my lovely wife into the story. This isn’t one of those stories though, this definitely isn’t about me, and my wife isn’t so cunning, at least I hope not. So it’s just a little fiction. Hope you enjoy.

A Game of Ping Pong.

My name is Mr Ping It all started a few weeks ago, I walked into a local cafe, the cafe owner didn’t laugh. All the customers walked out you see leaving me all alone, So desperate were they to go one even left his precious phone.

It seemed everywhere I went I was to be avoided,
any enclosed space I entered, to the door I was always pointed.. The bus driver he’d send me to the back of the bus, everyone would get off then no time for me to discuss.

Thinking back a little further, I broke my wife’s favourite cup, it was only something trivial, but things had been building up. She couldn’t have told all the world to avoid me though. It really must be something else, or am I being slow.

Then one day I realised my collars were a little grubby,
My clothes never got dirty before, always washed for little hubby. Now you know my washing was always done by missing wife, I couldn’t use a washing machine to save my flipping life.

It was the dog that finally did it, wouldn’t come near me at all, then I noticed some of the paper peeling off the wall. I noticed near the washing machine there wasn’t a pile of washing, that meant for the last several weeks in the same clothes I dossing.

The next thing was a call from environmental health,
They didn’t really know the meaning of the word stealth. “We’ve had a few complaints they said about your personal hygiene, would you like one of our operatives to show how to wash and clean ?

The big white van turned up, with men in white suits and masks, they erected a poly tunnel to my front door, then began the monumental task. They fumigated the whole house, scrubbed all the chairs and carpets, put me in the bath and jet washed me, even underneath my armpits.

Now my lovely wife is back, everything’s hunky dory,
She sat me down with tea and told me a little story.
“I was tired of washing and cleaning” she said, I knew you couldn’t cope, I’d just wait for the clean up men, now the house is fit for the Pope.

All words Meadowhead Bard.