Before you read, I have an admission to make the joke about car park theft isn’t mine. I can’t remember who’s it is but it won best joke at the Edinburgh fringe a few years ago.

THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

Tip of a pencil is graphite not lead
A good tip for life don’t be easily led
Fly tipping or tips for flies, if you can catch the little devils
Don’t steal from multi-storey car parks it’s wrong on so many levels

The tip of an iceberg that’s what sank the old Titanic
Ice in your lemonade won’t trouble you so please don’t you panic
Tips are spits the other way round
Good tips for barbecues so I’ve found

Q tips plastic sticks with ends of wool
Handy when your ears with wax too full
A very good tip for when you need to queue
Don’t shower for a month, people will let you to the front, it’s true!

All words Meadowhead Bard.